Introspection and Life...why too much of one leaves you left with less of the other

Okay, I'll have to write this post later because my silly little brother is lobbying my mom (successfully, unfortunately) to get the computer...siblings...what can you do...Later all, Katie

For Sarah

Yeah, well, first things first. Sarah...you definitely need to add a guestbook or a way for ppl to send comment directly to your blog or email from your blog page because you write things that I cannot help but want to comment on and I guess I could send and email but it'd be cool if you had a guestbook. I can get you one if you want me too...email me (compulsivwriter6@airpost.net).

As to that...you are a bright, talent, sensitive, beautiful person and if being with Cody isn't what makes you happy anymore then it isn't what you need. I know there isn't really anyone else at home that you could see yourself dating right now, but maybe you don't have to be dating someone. Guys are just...guys...they come, they go, they shouldn't change who you are. And who you are is beautiful. I feel literally blessed to know you, to know a person as sweet and (what's the opposite of cynical?) as you are. I don't know why God blessed me by giving me a friend like you. By all logic we shouldn't like one another (I'm nothing if not cynical and you're sweetness and light itself, lol). But I know you have the strength to move past anything God chooses to put in your path. He really doesn't give us heavier burdens than we can handle.

Happy B-day by the way! (Yeah, I forgot until the 13th, then I procrastinated and now I'm looking for your present...see another example of how different we are...you'd already have something fabulous and artsy done and in the mail!) My advice...cry hard (sounds like you've already done that)...talk to friends...listen to really loud music...alternately watch romantic comedies and independent women movies...give yourself a makeover...and move on! And remember, there are tons of ppl who love and support you.

Love ya bunches, Katie

The Dead Cat Story

Okay, so you all know that my friend Sarah was over at my house last weekend. We had a great time, blah, blah, blah, I'll post on that later (i had so much pent up girl talk, but we didn't get through it all...oh well, next time). Anyway, while they were here, this lady who was taking care of their cat called and left two messages on our machine. Read these, they're absolutely hillarious!
Friday, 4 pm
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Moss, This is Jane Doe from ... and I'm just so sorry to report to the Chatham's that, that Shelly has died. She, um, I found her this afternoon in the guest bedroom, all four paws up in the air. I think what I'll do, I called Dr. Powell's office and they said to just wrap her in a blanket or towel or something and bring her over and they'll put her in a freezing area until you guys get home and decide what you want to do. And again, I'm just really really really sorry to report this and I'd left a note for you all that I was just so pleased to see her last night and I saw her this morning and I petted her and everything. But anyway, I popped in about four o'clock and she was dead. My phone number is … if you needed any information or anything and I even hated to bother you, but, you know a pet is really a loved one and that's why I called. Thanks, and again, I'm really sorry.

Friday, 4:06 pm
Hi again, this is Jane Doe again. (laugh)…It's kind of crazy…that…I don't…Shelly…must…She seemed dead to me, but she's not dead. She, I just went back upstairs and she's gone. When I saw her she was just stiff as a board with all four paws up, her eyes shut, I thought…but maybe that's just how she sleeps. So I am terribly, terribly sorry to bother you again, but I guess that's somewhat good news. I mean, it is good news, but I hope…I'm hopeful that she's not just like sick and has gone off somewhere. But anyway, I just wanted you all to know. So again, I'm terribly sorry, maybe I should have checked her even more, but I just didn't even think about it. So again, I'm terribly sorry and you can call me at…

Had to share that...Later all, I'm going to the lake for the weekend, will have much to post when I get back on Sunday, but probably won't get around to it until Monday because I have fun plans Sunday night! -Katie

Trivial Pursuits

No not the game.

I've had one of those days. The standing still while the world goes by days. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. I can't complain because I've actually had a great week overall, but I was sitting her tonight wondering how I could feel so...bogged down. I felt like there were a million things I should be getting done, but I didn't have the drive to get up and do any of them.

So I'm sitting here feeling all sorry for myself and generally backsliding into a personal little pity party. Then I decided to write a blog and I thought, hmmm, gee, I'm always talking about my teenage angst issues...what is something more insightful that I could think about for a bit? And so I stopped thinking about myself for about two seconds and I had this brainflash. My problems are trivial (imagine that). I'm lucky to have the kinds of problems I do. Deciding whether I should work on my book, mess around on photoshop, or go do something outdoors should not only not be a hard decision, it definitely shouldn't be something I dwell on. Okay, here comes the over-done, oh-so-cliche point. Sorry to repeat everyone, but here goes. My problems are trivial compared to the things that other people, and not just other people, but children, have to face every day of their lives. I've never had to choose whether I should feed myself or my sister. I've never had to choose whether to kill or be killed. I've neer had to choose whether to steal or starve. And I praise God that I haven't. And I don't mean to belittle everyone out there who has trivial problems like I do. Worrying about our trivial problems isn't a character flaw or a sin, but refusing to dwell upon and refusing to worry about the problems of others, trivial or otherwise, is.

There are literally hundreds of organizations that help those in need. There are thousands of different ways that you personally can get involved and make a difference in someone's life. It doesn't matter if you make their hour, their day, their week, or their entire life better. I would encourage you to look into one of them or a dozen of them. You'll truly be amazed how much spending just an hour helping someone else, making someone else's day brighter, can brighten your own day.

I'm seriously thinking about adopting a Compassion Child (credit to Paul for planting the seed) and I was thinking about how much money that is ($28 a month), relatively speaking. That's skipping coffee seven times, or checking out three books from the library instead of buying them, or borrowing movies from a friend instead of renting them, or skipping popcorn at the movies and seeing a matinee instead of a late show...it means so little to us, but could have such an impact on someone's life.

Okay, here ends my sermonizing, I promise lighter, more idealogical, much less practical Musings next time...G'night - Katie

Senior Shirt

My loser friends (sorry guys) never got it together to design our senior shirts, so I'm making mine right now. It says "Senior class of 2004" on the front and I'm debating what to put on the back.

Here are the options I'm conscidering (sp?):
- Seniors...we're not stuck up, we're just better than you.
- Live each moment as if your hair is on fire.
- Be yourself--It's better to be a bad original than a good copy.
- Teh best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves.
- Begin to live as you wish to live.
- The future is not something we enter, it is something we create--[I'm leaning towards this quote =)]
- You either made the best of today or you didn't.

Help me decide. Email me your choice of one of these, or a suggestion at compulsivwriter6@airpost.net. I'm doing the back of the shirt tomorrow night, so email me right NOW!

Thanks all, Katie

Personal Volatility

People talk so much about finding themselves and knowing who you are and being comfortable with your personality. But who are you really? What does it matter if you know who you are, but who you are changes depending on who you're with? Okay, I know what you're thinking. You should be able to be yourself no matter who you're with. Sorry, I don't work that way. I know who I am, maybe for the first time in two years, but what goes does that do me? I still act differently...say things I would never even think of saying when I'm alone...when I'm with certain ppl.

I am...mature, easily amused, sarcastic, ultimately idealistic, talkative (okay, maybe more than talkative, lets try...hard to shut up), and so much more (yeah, arrogant, too). But when I'm around certain ppl I act completely out of character, like somehow my brain is being bypassed. It's frustrating and it gives the ppl I react to like that way to much control over my mood. I always end up feeling terrible after talking to them because I've acted so stupid or whatever...frankly, it's destructive and I'm not sure what to do about it because the ppl that mess me up are ppl I like being with a lot.

Well, If life were perfect, it'd be boring anyway...I'm happy in spight of my angst, which is miniscule to some of the junk that's been running around my head lately.

Take care all, -Katie

Prayer

I'm a Christian. I've been one my entire life. In my family it's like being born white, upper middle class, blonde hair and blue eyes. You just are. I started to have a person sense of faith beyond what I'd been taught when I was about twelveish, I think. Since then I've come to claim Christianity as my own...to understand what it really means to be a Christian. I've formed attachments within my church and felt the awesome power of the Holy Spirit fill a room of believers. I've seen how fellowship with a group of believers can change a persons life. I have a great relationship with my church. But I have a more shallow relationship with God. I've always seen God as a sort of benevolent Father figure, Jesus as an equally benevolent friend, and the Holy Spirit as that great feeling I get when I'm singing praise, studying the Word, or just being with a group of believers. I've always seen God as someone to be called upon, who just sort of checks in on how my life is going every once in a while.

I had something of an epiphany this morning during church. I've always been a person who raises her head when she prays silently or when she sings praise. I've always felt that when you're speaking to the Lord, you should be glad you have the freedom to do so and raise your face towards the sky. Why would you pray to God, with your face pointed towards your feet? Well, this is from someone who does not have a strong prayer life. I realized that today was the first time in a very very very long time that I have ever been truly repentant before God for a sin. That I have felt in my heart and prayed silently about something that I had done/thought that was wrong in the eyes of God. Any my head was bowed. I felt humbled before God. I've been humbled by the amazing power of God before, but this was different. This was me feeling unworthy to look upon the face of God without God's grace and forgiveness.

I realized then that I spoke to God in prayer as I would speak to a friend. I didn't usually tell him the deepest darkest thoughts of my heart, and if I did, it was when I was praying for an answer or a certain outcome to a situation I was dealing with, it wasn't to confess. And you know what, I feel like a whole new connection between myself and the Lord has been forged.

My heart aches because I realize what I was missing in keeping God at armslength and I feel elated and humbled and...I feel peace. I feel stronger within myself because God is on the inside of me looking out instead of the outside looking in. I asked Jesus to come into my heart a long time ago, but I've kept him locked in one little corner before and I realize that now.

I'm not going to pretend that all of a sudden I have a perfect relationship with God, but I certainly have a deeper one and I can't wait to explore the implications of that. If you don't know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you're missing out on something truly worthwhile. I encourage you to seek God out, because you'll be amazed at the ways he can change your life.

God Bless, -Katie