H-Y-P-E-R!

Wow! I am so hyper right now, which is bizarre considering it's finals day and I just did all of my tests and then worked for six hours and then froze by butt off in the subzero weather outside. Nonetheless, I'm hyper and happy and just all around in a euphoric state of mind. And I have this huge fear that it's b/c I'm getting a crush on someone. Or rather, I've had one for a while but all the layers of denial are just about all chipped away and if this continues for much longer I'm just going to have to admit to myself that I have a crush and move on. The problem them becomes that if you have a crush and you don't do anything aobut it you either need a reason or you're forced to see yourself as a coward, which I don't want to do. This guy is amazing. He's so...different than all the other guys I know. He's smart and funny and genuine...and he's nothing like me. We come from tooooooottttallllly different perspective and backgrounds. I don't even know what his religious beliefs are (note to self--we should have that conversation) and he definitely runs w/ a different crowd. Frankly, and not to bash myself here, but I'd bore him to tears. When I'm around him I feel nieve and out of my element, but at the same time I like him more b/c he always does/says the right things to make me feel back at ease. When he talks to you, you think he's listening. He looks you in the eye and he has the cutes expressions. I don't know...argh...I don't want to be all messed up over some guy, but right now it feels sublime so I'm riding this wave until it falls out from under me!

I Love The World! -Katie

High on Life

Wow! I am in the best mood ever right now! I had the perfect night-before-finals evening and I feel amazing. First, I went into fourth hour w/ only the plans to go home after school and feel guilty about not studying for my Econ or Euro final, go to Coffee Talk, then go back home and feel guilty for not studying again. Then, Pete Farrel and Ryan Rendel invited me to an Econ study group w/ them at Dunn Bros. which was perfect b/c it went from 3:30 till 4:50 and Seibeck (how the heck do you spell that?) and Andy were there and we were semi-productive so no guilt about Econ. Then I sort of invited myself to the Euro study group going on at Rendell's house that night, which was at 7--perfect, again, although I was a little late getting there. Anyway, that went well for me and I'm so ready for this test tomorrow I think. Anyway, it's 10:13 on a finals night and I don't feel understudied or stressed which is definitely a first. Okay, well, I'm going to go now b/c I have a date w/ the indoor track at Flagship tomorrow morning early. Adios amigos.

There used to be a day
That set everything right
When all the screwups and mistakes
Faded into the night

When all the laughter and the tears
Seemed to heal your heart
And your mind, no longer fractured
Got a chance for a fresh start

Now the worlds gone crazy
Like someone smashed beyond compare
And all I want to do
Is somehow learn not to care

And we try so very hard
Because caring gets you hurt
One minute your high on life
Then it shoves your face down in the dirt

And then there you are
Feeling gritty and unclean
Knowing without a doubt
That this is not what life should mean

It shouldn't mean this feeling
Of being lost within your own mind
It shouldn't mean a world
That is more cruel than kind

But then again who are you
To know what's in God's plan
How could you possibly divine
With only the vision given to man

And you slowly realized
That at the end of the day there comes a time
When you have to let yourself go
And trust in the one who is more divine

This ain't nothin' but a Heartbreak Town
Square people in a world that's round
And they watch you dancin' without a sound
It ain't nothin' no it ain't nothin' no

You take your number and you stand in line
And they watch to see how high you're gonna climb
Pat on the back 'n' better luck next time
It ain't nothin' no it ain't nothin'
But a Heartbreak Town - Dixie Chicks

Random Journal Topics From Sunday

Guys, this is from my blue journal virtually word for word w/ a few embellishments. I mean, some of it is a little embarassing, but I thought since my entire life is about to snowball on my anyway, I'd get this out there...why feel normal when you could be stressed, confused and embarassed?

I want a freakin' guy, but I don't want to just reandomly get a boyfriend b/c I want one. I just want to find a decent guy that I like. Either they're far to scarce or my standards are too high, but either way it's rather frustrating. This other side of me doesn't want to start anything b/c it invariable has to end before we go off to school and i don't want to mess w/ that.

The newness of things--we're always searching for one high after the next--gets us through life, but i wonder how it applies to relationships. Sina was saying the othe day that if you think about it ever single other relationship in your life will end except, ideally, marriage--but why would marriage be anomoly, the one time you fall in love and it finally lasts? Is it always a search for the next new thing? Is this why so many marriages fail? I love my family to death, but I'm ready to go away to school...I'm ready for a new life.

Lunch w/ Kyle--he's really got this gift of making you fell better about your problems even when you don't feel like you had those problems. Does that make sense?

Sat. night was fun--shirts and nail polish--snacks and movies (chick flicks). I love girls nights...there's so little pretense.

What do you do, how do you react when someon w/ you is feeling messed up, but they're right there and you don't know how to reach out and grab them and help them through it or if they'll even want help.

Agreeable seperation--people can still be friends when they're not each other's very best friend all the time. Is it better to have one great and true friend or three that you are pretty close w/? One, I think, hands down.

People who say, "When life hands you lemon, make lemonade." don't know waht they're talking about . God would never give you something as mundane and simple as lemons. No, God would give you a lemon, an avacado, a hotdog, and a tomato and tell you to make something out of it. That's life. There are a million ways you could make somethig w/ the ingreadients you're given and when you think you've finally found the perfect thing, it seems like God changes the ingredients you get. That's why life is so great. No one wants lemonade every day.

When we read things or hear things about how guys/girls interact, we read more into it than we do in person. How the heck are we supposed to figure each other out if we can't figure ourselves out?

Later, Katie

Getting Pushed Off A Bridge

You ever have one of those moments in life when you just know that you're about to get pushed off of a bridge (metaphorically speaking)? Yeah, that's me right now. Usually, I just stand there paralysed (sp?) by the knowledge that I'm about to into some major junk, but I'm trying to be more proactive this time. I'm working on making myself a bungee cord or something like that. Again, metaphorically speaking...so that maybe it won't be as big of disaster as I'm imagining. Ttyl, Katie

Future Post: Why life never gives you lemons, ergo you cannot possibly make lemonade.