She's A Brick and I'm Drowning Slowly

I hate feeling like this. I don't want to study...I want to go hang out with my friends, but they're all studying right now. Actually, the ones I want to hang out with are the one's I can't go talk to because I'm always the one who goes and finds them to hang out. They never come see me or go out of their way to talk to me. Eventually, I start to think they're trying to tell me something. I mean, am I one of those people who is really annoying because they just don't understand that people don't want to hang out w/ them? I know I'm really distracting sometimes, but I would rather someone just tell me that...like, Katie, actually, I really have to study. I don't know if it's just easier for them to wait for me to come hang around than to come and get me, but I am starting to feel like I can't talk to them because I might be annoying them. I hate feeling insecure like that. I wish someone would just ask me to do something. Maybe it's just me and I don't notice when people do ask me to do things, but I feel like I always have to invite myself w/ everyone but Umi. I mean, I don't necessarily always feel like I'm intruding, but I wish someone would come talk to me just because they can...not because I showed up or I went to find them. Wow, I know this is getting really random and not making a lot of sense, but I feel really beat up right now, emotionally, and I don't know why. I want someone to take a walk w/ when it's a beautiful night like this. I love my guy friends but I can't go talk to them b/c I'm afraid they'll take it the wrong way and get all weird...which is so high school.

Ahh...maybe it's just Sunday night depression--hmwk and class and having to do Spanish later.

I need a hug. And I don't have anyone to give me one. That makes me want to cry right now.

Katie