Confessions

Okay...sigh...I have a confession to make. I hate making confessions because you always wish you hadn't afterwards and you always wonder why the heck you did in the first place...well, it's the stupid kind of thing ppl do when they're in the kind of mood I'm in. I am looking forward and I want to get rid of the last of this thing that has been messing w/ my head. So here it is. Drumroll please...

There is no Cade Williams. He doesn't go to Edina, I didn't meet him in MC and he isn't going to school on the East coast. Those are all false. Okay, so now you're confused, right, or at least those of you who I've been talking to the past few days and who have been giving me advice. You're trying to figure out if everything I told you was bull or just this part of it. Well, just this part of it, actually. I did have a huge thing for a guy who just left for college, who I was good friends with this past year, who is amazing, who has no (I don't think) idea that I like him, and I was very upset that he was leaving. But he went to EP and I don't know how many of you knew him, so I really didn't want to say who he was. And, no, I don't usually make up boyfriends at other schools (that is so...unimaginative), but I already had this one left over from when I worked at McDonald's and all the spanish guys were hitting on me so I told them I had a bf to get them to lay off. Then, when all of you started asking me who this guy I was talking about was, I said Cade and it was way too easy.

So, there is my little secret. Not a secret anymore. Sorry I lied to you guys, but I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Luckily I am now. Or at least I'm thinking more clearly than I was then. This leads me to my next theory/question...

Okay, ppl always think, or at least I thought, that there were multiple kinds of love. You love your mother, father, family, etc. differently than you love your friends, who you love differently than you love your boyfriends. But now I'm not so sure that there isn't a greater common denominator involved than I thought. Ppl picture themselves falling in love, not falling out of it. The guy I've been talking about...I loved him as a friend before I loved him as more, and now I love him as a friend again, although it's definitely a different type of love...he's joined my list of "amazing guys that I count as friends." I love them a little more because when I loved them "romantically" I noticed everything that they did and saw so much of who they were and loved them for it and now that I just love them as friends again, I still think they're amazing, special, charismatic guys and some girl'll be lucky to have them some day, but it doesn't hurt me that they'll find someone else, which it would have when I like them. Anyway, so my question is this...how could it change so fast? I went from loving him, like it hurt when he talked about these other girls he liked, to loving him like a really special friend in a matter of days. How is that possible? I mean, it's possible I'm deluding myself w/ this whole friend thing, but I really don't think so. I'm looking forward to seeing other guys when school starts. I still think about him several times a day, but I want to smile, not cry. Argh, I didn't think I was one of those girls whose affections change daily...i'm not...flighty, enough for that, so I'm looking at the implications of that. I'm glad I'm "over" him, but I'm a little disgruntled/worried about what that says about me. Advice would be welcome...Katie