Her Favorite Color Is Crome

Today was a terrible day. One of those ones where you seem to move through jello or something b/c you can see everything happening and nothing happenign all at once. It should have been a good day--went w/ Dad and got my new laptop for school in the fall. I'm excited about school. But people are sucking up all my energy. I'm past the point of freaking out about leaving for school. I mean, I expect to freak out a little at the end, but for the most part I'm focusing on finishing out the summer w/o killing myself over how many hours I need to work to do this, that or the other thing. Now we're into the uncharted waters of Mom and Dad freaking out. And they're freaking out for sure. Mom practically yelled at me about how I couldn't take my laptop into my room because then I'd disappear there for the rest of the summer and they wouldn't see me again. It was almost surreal b/c I was watching her and I felt angry because that's such a totally irrational argument and/or demand and at the same time I watched her say it to me and she had this who attitude like she wanted to fight about it. It was like watching a kid stick out their chin when they know someone is itching to land a punch. But I didn't argue b/c I could see the fear behind it. In some strange, insidious way the anxiety over my leaving in the fall is sneaking into them and it's making Mom irrational to the point where I don't want to be around her sometimes. I know they're paying for school so they have that influence over me and my actions but it's like they expect to continue to exert the same amount of control over me as they do now. That's just bullshit and I'm not going to freak out on them about it if I can hold onto my sanity for the rest of the summer but I'm not sure they're going to snap out of it just because I leave. They're making this a lot harder than it has to be and it's making it feel like I can't breathe sometimes because I know they're just acting like this b/c they're scared and this is uncharted territory for them but I'm afraid I'm going to end up resenting them in the end. Well, a nice depressing thought for you all. Goodnight.