Miscellaneous

Sorry...I know, I know, I keep saying I'm done for the day, but I'm short of work and this is semi-productive. We had a dorm-wide meeting tonight in which the issue of harassment w/in the Bradley community was raised. I thought it was not handled very well, but that's beside the point of this particular post. During the meeting we were told that a girl who lives on the 3rd floor (MY FLOOR) who happens to be one of my best friend's roomate has been harassed for months on end. Apparently she's been subject to racial slurs (she is black) and been called a whore. Earlier in the year there was a similar incident (followed by a similar meeting) where someone wrote a swastika accompanied by something along the lines of "let it snow Jew ash" on the whiteboard in the study basement. While these things come as a shock to me--living on the third floor--b/c I didn't know about them before, they don't shock me b/c of the ppl I live with necessarily. We don't have the kind of community on this floor that other floors have. We're really several communities living together w/o interacting and I can see how someone would fall through the cracks...then if one of these groups attacked her she wouldn't have anyone to turn to for help. So, this meeting, in which the housefellows took turns yelling at all of us in Bradley was somewhat enlightening...but not in the intended way. It made me think about a few things. You all are going to reap the wonderful benefits of these not-so-random thoughts of mine on the subject.

First of all-harassment. Let's set a few ground rules: 1) No one should have to put up with harassment, 2) No one should harass other people, 3) No one should stand by while someone else is being harassed. Now we add in reality and all these things don't hold true all the time. I was realizing that, while it is probably not harassment b/c he can never hear us, when I myself and a certain other friend make fun of a certain individual in our Brit History class b/c he has a mullet, is really annoying, think's he's always right and is always wrong...we're really doing something vindictive and wrong on a fundamental level--not b/c of the effect it will have on him (he'll never hear it), not b/c of what it says about us, but b/c of what it DOES to us. Thankfully that is not the typical conversation for this guy and I, but I think we all have those ppl that, when we're with them, tend to combine w/ us to form this sort of noxious combination and you end up being really critical of other people. What is the drive there? Is it a perverse form of bonding? Is it some way to drag the rest of the world down to our level? Amusement value? What? I'm thankful that the people I've grown close to here aren't like that. Anyway...enough on the ugliness of the human soul...let's turn to more hopeful topics.

When I heard that this girl on our floor had been harassed, I felt compassion for her. But only at the end of the meeting when Jana said something about considering how you would treat this girl the next time you saw her did I suddenly feel the need to connect with her. I wanted to go to her room and tell her I had no idea what was going on and that I think she's as brave as anyone I've ever met to let everyone know her situation and to speak up and that she has my support and friendship if she wants it. I started to think about what the best way to approach her would be. I figured she'd be getting tons of ppl stopping by her room and I know a part of the impulse to connect is from the lowly instinct to get the inside scoop and live through someone else's personal drama. With this in mind, I decided to email her. I would tell her I didn't know, that she was brave and that I was praying for her. What caused that response in me? I mean, if I had overheard someone saying she had been harassed, would I have felt the same impetus to connect w/ her? I doubt it. Maybe the difference is in her openness to being approached. There's no embarrassment for me in approaching her b/c she knows I know about what happened to her. But maybe on some level, our instinct to connect to people who have experienced tragedy is significantly enhanced by that tragedy being made public because we see an open and unique opportunity to connect with another human being on a fundamental level. What is it about tragedy that allows us to cut through all the crap and expose ourselves to one another w/o fear of rejection. Why do all the shields come down? I don't know...but I for one have formed some of the best relationships of my life over tragedy--minor ones maybe, but the presence of pain and the human instinct to protect those who feel it.

A final note on harassment and social discord...DON'T LUMP US ALL TOGETHER. At the meeting tonight we had people basically telling us that b/c we're all white, we will never experience pain or discrimination or anything like that so we shouldn't judge others by their ethnicity b/c we don't know them as individual people. Okay, anyone else see the contradiction in the previous statement? Not cool.

Okay--so I was thinking today that in every relationship there is a dominant and a nondominant party (not subeservient by any means, just not dominant). This is less clear and not necessarily true in friendships, but I think it might always be true in so-called "romantic" relationships. There's the pursuer and the pursued. Why do ppl get together? Because one of them shows interest in the other and then the second person decides if they like the one who likes them. I mean, sometimes you both like one another, but I really think someone is always "the catch" and the other person is the lucky one who caught them. This difference isn't always obvious...but then sometimes it is. My question is...can the relationship survive if the "lucky" one knows he/she's the lucky one...or is he/she thinks they are. Can you ever be completely secure w/ someone if you can't get over how lucky you are that they like you? I'm not sure. If you don't think you're worthy of someone, eventually that's going to show in your actions and insecurity is not an attractive trait. Anyway...that came out kind of depressing, but it was just a thought...no practical application...I was thinking about the dorm relationships that everyone is in (it seems like EVERYONE is dating someone else in Bradley...craziness).

Whew...if you made it this far, you're my new favorite person and you should leave a comment w/ the secret code word...let's say...defenestration (the act of throwing someone/something out a window--courtesy of my Black's Law Dictionary--I always wanted to accuse opposing council of "defenestrating the truth/the law/justice/etc.")...in it--used in a sentence of course. That way you'll know (more importantly, I'll know) you're one of the few, the select, those who can survive really long/boring lectures, just love reading philosophy textbooks, and got to the end of this post!

"If you're going to get addicted to something try getting addicted to honestry, truth, friends, randomness, compassion, and love...these are the things God gave us to enrich our lives."

Katie (yeah, like who else would it be? I need to stop signing these posts, but it's so ingrained a habit!)